If you are a human grown-up, you may have been here

Soliloquy #44

Mid-Life Crisis

I ache for my childhood - back where joy lives.

For life has slammed me up against the wall,

clutched my throat with such force I can barely gasp for mercy.

I thrash about hopelessly.

I pray I have learned something.

But too many pieces to the puzzle are missing,

I can't even find one corner piece.

Useless tears blur the colors and make the tired attempt at wholeness

fuzzy and meaningless.

Check, I must be lost before I'm found.

I suppose I am looking for a homecoming of sorts

A way to reach back, way back, to innocence

but those puzzle pieces definitely don't fit. 

I need a miracle -

a boat load of fishes, water turned to wine, demons scattered,

an empty tomb;

hope where there feels like none,

love when all else fails.

Plain as day, I see my grandmother's face.

She always said "this too will pass".

Her voice is tender, gentle, a whisper.

My grandmother knew God.